Quick Trip

There were various days throughout our first year when I thought, "If only I could be back home for one day. It would be so good to see familiar places and people again. It would be so good to be able to function in English and know how to handle situations."

Well, I got that chance the end of May and beginning of June, though regrettably, it wasn't for a reason I had anticipated. In December I lost my dad's father after a four day illness. The end of May I lost my mom's father after a sudden and unexpected turn for the worse. He had picked up MRSA - most likely during a hospital stay for a bad case of Shingles - and it was in his lungs. He was unresponsive on Sunday morning and passed away less than 24 hours later early on Memorial Day.

I knew right away I wanted to go home. It had been very difficult to be on this side of the ocean when Grandpa passed away and I didn't want to go through that experience again. I also felt it was important for me to be with my parents since I am an only child. They had lost two fathers in just over 5 months. I bought the ticket Monday night and was on a plane early Wednesday morning.

It was very surreal getting on a plane - alone, no less - and realizing I was heading back "home". I experienced a full range of emotions and even asked myself what in the world I was doing. It was an exhausting day of three flights, two lay-overs, and car trips on either end. Arriving at JFK wasn't nearly as exciting as I thought it would be, though of course I was very excited to see land after the long flight! I didn't kneel down on the ground and kiss the floor. Maybe it was because I was too concerned with customs, re-checking my bags, and getting to the right terminal for my final flight. I was, however, very excited to reach my destination and to find my parents in baggage claim. I hugged both my parents and shed tears of joy to finally be re-united after 14+ months.

And then began my 11 days back in the States. Some was as I expected it, but a lot wasn't. It was a lot more mentally and physically exhausting than I expected. As a result, jet lag haunted me for a week after my return. To sum it up: I spent a lot of time with sad people. My mom's family was sad because of Pap-pap's passing. My dad's mom was sad because we had to quickly move her to a new living situation while I was home. Our home church was sad because 12 families had recently left and more were considering leaving. Some of our good friends had left and some were still at the church. Some people felt lied to, most felt disappointed, and still others felt wrongly accused or misunderstood. Some didn't know what to think. And I certainly didn't either.

In spite of all that, the things I enjoyed most were: fresh air and open spaces, the lack of gates and fences, being in the country again, seeing many familiar and friendly faces, singing at church in English, hearing sermons in English, driving (I had driven once in 14+ months), having independence, shopping at Wal*mart and other stores, buying treats to bring back to J and the boys, a fire and marshmallows in my parents' backyard, a get-together with my Bible-study ladies, seeing the sunset and stars, speaking in English, getting some medical appts. taken care of, drinking chocolate milk, eating frosted mini-wheats, taking several walks, and spending time with my grandma (the one I previously wrote I never got to say good-bye to) and other family members.

There was, of course, reverse culture shock. One of the first things I noticed was semi-trucks, passenger trucks, and school buses. Flushing the toilets also stood out to me. I also kept looking at people at JFK who were speaking English until I finally made myself realize a whole lot more people would be speaking English than anything else, so I needed to stop looking at everyone! I was struck by the friendliness of the passport control officer - so different from most of the European officers we've encountered who barely talk and definitely don't smile. I was no longer an outsider - I was now in my passport country, no entry picture required. I didn't have to bag my own groceries or bring bags for my purchases. I had to get used to pushing the carts that used to seem so normal. My first Wal*mart trip was a little overwhelming with all the new and different products. I had forgotten how many kinds of crackers we have! Jo*anne's was actually even more overwhelming to me as I strolled through rows and rows of craft products. I was awestruck by all the types of white ribbon you could buy. Just white!

Before we even left for the field, I read a pamphlet about furlough. I'm really thankful that I read that at a time when it really wasn't needed, because I needed it for this trip. One of the things it prepared me for was the lack of interaction and questions by others. Though I hoped it wouldn't be the case for me since it had only been 14 months and I was seeing family and friends, not strangers and supporting churches, unfortunately it was my experience. Of all the people I talked to, hugged, shook hands with, visited with, and sat across from or in the room with, only a handful seemed truly interested and asked good questions. Questions beyond, "How are the boys?" and "What is the weather like?" were few and far between. The person who asked me the most poignant question was my dental-hygienist - a woman I had never met before that day. She asked, "What is the most difficult thing about living there?" It seemed as if many didn't know what to ask, how to interact, or even where to start. It was expected, but still disappointing. It was a good lesson for me personally. How do I interact with missionary friends? Do I ask real questions or am I just chit-chatting?

I was especially blessed by the generosity of my Bible-study ladies. Many of them pressed cash into my hand at some point during our get-together so I could buy things to bring back with me. I had already been buying some clothes, shoes, and treats, so it was nice to have funds to cover these things. One of the families I visited gave me an envelope that was filled with 5, $20 bills. I was truly humbled and blessed by their generosity. I was thankful for those who took time out of their busy schedule to allow me to visit them. Some of them didn't get a lot of (or any) forewarning!

I am thankful for the time I had back in the States, but I was also ready to get back home - yes, home. I really missed Jason and the boys. I didn't like being back without them. We have gone through all our changes and experiences together and I missed their support. I didn't like experiencing reverse culture shock without them to help me filter it. It also made me realize that sometimes we can idealize the past and fool ourselves into thinking it is so much better than what we are currently facing. I do miss being a part of our friends and families lives, but life is not perfect there either. It also helped me to see I don't have a place there anymore. People have moved on. Time has moved on. Things have changed. People there are not the same and neither are we.

Our life is here. And for that realization I am truly grateful for my quick trip.