It doesn't really matter which language a person has to learn, as learning any language carries challenges. Some of these may be unique, such as reading/writing characters rather than letters, learning to use tones, or overcoming difficult grammar. There are some challenges that come no matter which difficulty level the language is assigned to (according to one ranking site, Slovak is in the 4th most difficult category out of 5). In order to give you a peek into the life of anyone who is trying to learn a new language (business expat, missionary, or even an immigrant), below are some common struggles.
1.) You feel like a baby. Probably more like a newborn baby. I'm convinced that the 1 and 2 yr. olds I'm around at the Mother's Club probably understand more Slovak than I do, though I may be able to say more than they do. And when they do say something, it sounds cute. I would dare say I don't. It is humbling (to put it as positively as possible) to go from being a normally functioning adult with a college education, to a babbling babe. From sounding intelligent to sounding like.....a baby.
2.) You feel like a senior-aged citizen. Have you ever heard the expressions "Senior Moment" or "Brain Burp"? When you're learning a new language you have a LOT of those. Those moments when you cannot think of a word to save your life. And the worst part is when your brain is so overloaded you start to have that problem with your native language too. There was a time when I had used the Slovak word for a particular fruit so much that I couldn't think of the English name!
3.) You feel exhausted. Investing hours of time every day into any study is exhausting and this is especially true when it is ALL new information. I quickly discovered that three hours was about all my brain and body could handle for a tutoring session. There were several times at the beginning when my eyes would start to lose focus on my book or even after the session, I would lose focus on something I was looking at. It wasn't a problem with my eyes - it was as if my brain could just not handle any more information! It was stimulation overload. As a result, I also felt (and sometimes still feel) more physically tired. That has improved with time, but I still take a nap on Sundays and often need one nap during the week as well. At night I fall asleep quickly and I sleep like a rock. I'm thankful that a former teammate warned me of this reality before we even arrived on the field, so I knew it was not abnormal.
4.) You feel like someone else. I have told Jason that sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. Who I am when I need to understand and speak Slovak is not who I was in my own language and culture. I am often more quiet and reserved and I don't want to be in the spotlight (not that I loved it before, but I didn't dread it). I would rather be in a group where others are talking and I can just listen and add something if I want, rather than be in a situation with a person I don't know well and whom I must understand and talk - and no one is there to help me if I get stuck. It is easy to feel as if you have lost your personality. I very rarely have the ability to say something funny or to have an important conversation with someone. I cannot yet counsel someone or share about Christ in an understandable way. This can be very frustrating.
5.) You feel like an idiot. When I hear a four year old rattle off sentences that I would have to think through and then vocalize - or couldn't say at all - it is easy to feel like an idiot. This also happens when I make a mistake and only realize it later. Very recently I decided to reply to someone in Slovak even though he understands English. I started out okay, only to realize later that I used the present tense of the verb rather than the past tense. And it's a very basic verb (have/had) and a mistake I should not have made. I didn't realize the mistake until we were on our way home. I'm sure he understood what I said, but it left me feeling very foolish. Jason and I have both experienced times when someone corrected our pronunciation, only to make us repeat the same word again and again. In front of other adults this is truly humiliating. I have since decided I will not allow that to happen to me again, as it is not beneficial. As a further example, a little over a month ago I went to a local grocery store to buy some lunch meat. I had never bought meat from their meat counter before and did not know I needed a basket with a number in order to purchase meat. As far as I know, no other store does it this way. I successfully told her what kind of meat I wanted and how much. The woman behind the counter said something to me about a number, but I didn't understand what she said (I only got pieces of it). She actually used God's name in vain as a result - I understood that. After the ordeal was over, she was loudly talking and laughing to a fellow worker, probably at my expense. Experiences like these make it very tempting to stay behind my gate and never come out, but that's not the way to progress in a language.
6.) You feel like you have no role or ministry. In the States, I knew what my role was as a teacher, a pastor's wife, and later as a missionary on pre-field. Although on pre-field we were in new situations and surroundings nearly every week, we still knew how to function and we could communicate our burden effectively (or at least we thought we did!). During our last two years in the States, I was a co-leader in a weekly ladies' Bible study (which I greatly loved and have greatly missed). I enjoyed the interaction and discussion with the other ladies. As I began attending the monthly ladies' meetings in our church here, I realized that not only could I not join in on the discussion or ask questions, I couldn't even understand what was being said! The ladies would laugh about something and I would be sitting there trying to figure out what they said! I have come home several times wondering when I will ever feel effective again. When I will ever feel like I have something to give to others. When I will feel like I am ministering to people, rather than just studying grammar, memorizing vocabulary, and spending hours every week listening to the radio and watching t.v. to flood my brain with the language.
My purpose in sharing these struggles is three-fold. 1.) It will help you know how to pray for me and for all those you know who are living/ministering in a foreign language/culture. 2.) It will help me remember these feelings if/when we, Lord willing, welcome new teammates. 3.) It will help all of us show more understanding towards non-native English speakers in the U.S. It is very easy to judge them unless you have been in their shoes. We should do all we can to help them and to be gracious as they face these same struggles.
So today, I anticipate three more hours of tutoring during which we'll be studying perfective and imperfective verbs. Almost every verb or action has two versions - one of which is used for one time or finished action and the other is used for continuous/repeated action. At this point, my brain is having a difficult time soaking this concept in and being able to apply it to my speech. But with God's help and strength I will master it......or at least begin to master it!
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