A Mother's Pain

A mother's pain is the most acute when we see our children suffer physically or emotionally. It seems with Gavin I've gotten plenty of chances to feel that pain. With all that he has been through, I often wish it was me going through it and not him. How God must have felt when He saw His only Son being beaten, stripped, mocked, and ultimately hung on a cross to die.

Since last fall, I have had Gavin enrolled in a free weekly library class. I like it for several reasons - it's free, it's free, it's free. Well, I actually like it for more than that. It exposes him to books, a teacher, and other children and it is a good prompter for me to check out books to read to him during the week. She also does a small craft each week, which is another plus.

Today the theme was "cookies." I knew right away this could be a problem, and it was. We came to the point where they were going to play a game. She had felt "cookies" up on a board. She would tell the child what kind of cookie to take down and then she would exchange with them for a real cookie. I had to step in when it was Gavin's turn and say he couldn't have a cookie. He naturally burst into tears. All the mothers made sympathetic sounds which made me feel even worse. Then we were both crying. I helped him go up to the board and complete the task, then took him to the back of the room to comfort him and dry my own tears. As we were going back to where I had been sitting, a mother asked if he could have some little candies that she had. Thankfully he could have them, and although maybe I shouldn't have trusted candy out of a stranger's purse (didn't my mother teach me about that?), I accepted it. Gavin felt a lot better when he saw he could have something too and he even shared them with Peyton (something we've been discussing a lot lately). After he finished them he joined the group on the carpet once again and was back to his happy three year old self.

Having food allergies is certainly a challenge. It changes how you grocery shop, how you cook, how you clean dishes, how you go out. It's not something I ever would have chosen for my child. For some reason, God knows it is something we need in our lives right now. Although I hope it is just temporary, only He knows that. We take one day at a time, one meal at a time. I don't want Gavin to ever feel sorry for himself. That was something I had to get over myself at the beginning. And it's something I still sometimes deal with - last week we went away for two days and I had to pack all his food. That is the hardest for me. When we go out to eat or on vacation, I have to pack all the food and drinks he will need. It's easy for me to feel sorry for myself about the extra work and effort. I have to watch my attitude so that Gavin will have the proper perspective on it too.

His food allergies are life-threatening, but some children are dying, right now, from incurable diseases. He can play, run, learn just like other children. Some children will never get that chance due to physical or mental limitations. It's an inconvenience, but it's not insurmountable. As far as health, he eats any vegetable or fruit we give him, because that's what he has had to depend on. Knowing heart disease runs in Jason's family, the lack of dairy products and red meat is actually doing him good, not harm. Gavin will probably outlive all the Rice men!

So although this morning was a difficult experience for both of us, we will be okay. And we'll go back to dealing with it one meal at a time.